Yesterday I went to the store, bought a fresh sea squirt for the first time, named it Stephen.
Today, as part of my bid for immortality, I vivisected Stephen and ate him.
Here is that journey in pictures.
Eating Stephen was like ingesting a booger plucked straight out of the ocean’s nose. Sea squirt is accurate. Its other name, sea pineapple, is not. Or, maybe there are pineapple-esque versions out there.
But Stephen was not one of them.
Unfortunately, there’s no way to definitively know whether Stephen added years (or minutes, or even seconds; once he was all chopped up Stephen was only a tiny amount of anything, as per the pictures, which possibly explains the slight smile of the man who sold me Stephen) to my life, took them away, or produced no result at all.